Mommy Confessions

Seeing as this blog is titled "Kricket's Konfessions" I've got somethings to confess that I haven't before and it has to do with motherhood. Most people know that being a mommy is freaking hard. It's hard with one kid and then it just gets harder with a second. But for me, in some respects, Jacob has been a lot easier than William was at this stage.

You see, giving birth to William was one of the worst experiences of my life. I was in labor for over 24 hours and I spent two and a half hours trying to push him out. There were a lot of things that went wrong in the day and a half it took to bring Will into this world that made an already scary thing that much more terrifying. And even though William came out perfect and healthy, I ended up being torn up physically, mentally and emotionally.

I am not exaggerating when I say that I remember next to nothing about the first couple months of William's life. Because of how much physical pain I was in I was taking a lot of Percecet for the first couple weeks. I forced myself to stop taking it, despite the pain, because I didn't like the way it made me feel. Also, I was worried about how it was effecting Will.

I tried to nurse Will for the first three weeks of his life. It was agonizing. Will didn't take to nursing very easily and I learned very quickly that I could not function without sleep. After only a few days, I dreaded feeding my baby. According to my husband and my mother, I cried every time I had to feed him. It was a miserable experience for all of us.

It took my mother, who is a huge nursing advocate, to tell me that I should formula feed William for the misery to stop. It's like I needed someone to give me permission. I felt guilty for not giving my baby what everyone said was best for him. But once I started bottle feeding him, things began to get better.

As I said, there were also some mental/emotional concerns as well. During the delivery, I felt my mind crack. I was so panicked and out of control and terrified. I thought I was prepared. I went to all the classes, read all the books, but I had no clue. And honestly, no one really does their first time, but other circumstances just made everything worse.

I was a mess when I got home. With my mental state and the hormone changes that all new moms go through, I was barely sane. Little things would set me off. William crying would send me into a panic. There were many, many times that I just had to leave him in his crib and close the door while he screamed. I was horrified by the waves of violence that would surge through me.

In retrospect, I had quickly crossed the line from baby blues to full on postpartum depression. And poor Daniel, he had no idea how to help me. Luckily, my mom came to help.

Two things pulled me back to myself, bottle feeding and going back to work. When I switched to the bottle I was finally able to get some sleep as well as do other things instead of holding a baby to my breast all day. And even though I really didn't want to go back to work, having something else to focus on and interacting with other adults really helped me. There was a time where every morning I'd wake up and think "Oh, I just found another little piece of me."

It hasn't been until just recently that I could admit that I was very very close to the edge there. It's terrifying to think back on but it also makes me so grateful for what I have now.

Giving birth to Jacob and this first month of his life have been a breeze in comparison. I was calm and relaxed through the delivery; no panic, no loosing control. And while I'm still sleep deprived most days, I can't help but smile at my sweet little boy.

Of course, that doesn't mean that I don't loose my temper sometimes or even wonder why in the world I had a second baby; but at the end of the day I can still look at both of my sons and smile and feel this overwhelming love for them.

I am not a perfect mom, but they are perfect spirits that Heavenly Father has graced me with. I don't know how I deserve them and I pray everyday that I don't screw them up. I try my hardest everyday and some days are better than others. Being a mom isn't easy and some days I really wonder if it's worth it, but as long as William keeps smiling at me and Jacob continues to sleep best when I'm holding him then I guess I'm doing something right.

William 2.5 years old and Jacob 1 month

He has arrived!

This here is Jacob! He was born Monday, April 23, 2012 at 4:58pm. He weighed 6lbs 9oz and is 19.5 in. long. He's perfectly healthy and is a strong little boy.

I was induced Monday morning and the whole process was actually pleasant. I was nervous because I'd heard that being induced was hard/long but I was pretty relaxed most of the time.  Of course, my previous experience with giving birth was rather traumatic, so anything even marginally better would have been fine. But this was a complete 180. I can now finally see what women mean when they talk about how beautiful giving birth is; I never believed it last time.

So everyone is settling in fine. William is fascinated with "Baby!" and is still trying to get used to the new routine.  I'm already suffering from lack of sleep, but it's not that bad. Physically I'm doing a lot better now than I was this time after Will was born. I foresee things just continuing to improve from here on out and that gives me a lot of peace of mind.

Even Happy approves of our new addition. :)

My boys!

So there's the baby update!

As of now, I have no clue how often I'll be able to update this. I want to get back into a normal schedule, but my real life has to get in line first. So I guess I'll see y'all when I see ya!

Happy Thursday! and Thanks for reading!

Way Overdue Update

So this will be short.

I just wanted to say that I am now 4 weeks away from having this baby. My days are filled with eating and napping on the couch while Will watches Sesame Street. I've gone from Angry Pregnant Woman, to Just Plain Tired Pregnant Woman. I am so ready for this pregnancy to be over. I just want to hold my new baby. :)

Anyway, I guess what I really want to say is to not expect any post in April. If I'm feeling up to it I might be able to get on and just post of bunch of pictures of the new little guy, but that still might not happen until May.

Hopefully I'll see ya'll again in a couple months and then I'll be spamming your feed with baby stuff. :)

Side Note: The reason there haven't been much in the way of pictures lately is because we lost my camera in the move, but I'm just going to go and buy me a new one soon so I can take more pictures of my boys. :)

Happy Thursday!

Life, it's like, life.

I'm actually updating on time.  And I'm not doing this to procrastinate the cleaning that needs to be done, not at all.  :D

Life has been pretty good lately.  Things are relatively normal around here.  I'm now 31 weeks along in this pregnancy.  9 more weeks to go seems pretty surreal.  People have asked me for pictures of my big pregnant self, but I just haven't had the time, or honestly really care, to take any.

Will is getting smarter everyday.  We're starting to work on letters and I'm sure he learns at least one new word everyday.  I'm hoping to start potty training him in the next week or two.  It'd be nice to have him out of diapers by the time this new baby arrives.  So does any one have any suggestions for books or techniques on potty training?

And now to pimp myself. :P  Daniel came up with a great idea for a blog and we got it all put together on Saturday.  Siemens Bottling Co is a blog about building little model ships and putting them into bottles.  Daniel builds the ships in bottles and takes the pictures while I do a lot of the writing and the actual blog managing.  We'd love it if you'd take a look and even leave a comment. *hint hint nudge nudge*

Well, that's all I have for today.  Happy Monday/President's Day!

New Stuff

So I've been playing with the design of my blogs and getting a little more advanced than the basic models.  I'm mostly doing this because Daniel and I are working on a blog together featuring ships in bottles that he makes.  The new blog isn't really up and running yet, but I believe we'll have our first official post by the end of this week.

In other news, not much going on here.  I've had a bad cold that turned into a bad migraine the past couple weeks and thus why I haven't posted much.

But Happy Valentines Day tomorrow!

I'll keep y'all posted on this new project.  Happy Monday and thanks for reading!

Oh, Hi There...

Yep, I did it again.  I made promises that I didn't keep.  Is anyone really surprised by this?  Yeah, didn't think so. :)  My only excuse this time is, I'm pregnant and my brain is completely absent right now.  If you've ever been pregnant then you'll get what I'm saying.  If not, the best way I can describe it is it's like trying to make your brain work after you've had no sleep and before you've had your daily caffeine fix.

Anyway, I had two book reviews lined up for this last month and I still want to post them, but they'll be the quickie versions.  So first: The Help  5 Stars

I read the book and then saw the movie, both were awesome.  I'm sure part of the reason I loved it so much is because I'm from the South and reading this felt like being home just because of the language.  But beyond that I loved the story and the message behind it.  It's really about sisterhood and the bonds that can transcend social and political norms.  It was a wonderful read.  And the movie was awesome too.  I spoke with a very think Southern accent for two days after watching that movie. :)

And next: The Princess Bride  2 Stars

I grew up watching and loving the movie, but this was the first time I read the book.  Overall, movie was better than book.  I know, sounds like blasphemy, but it's true.  So, what bugged me about the book is that Goldman writes and acts like his novel is an abridgment of a much longer and much drier work that his father read to him as a child.  But then as an adult he actually read the thing and realized that his dad just read him the "good stuff" (a.k.a. the movie version); so he takes it upon him self to write this good version that he remembers as a child.  Great story right?  Well, considering that I believe more than 50% of the words in that book are about the abridgment process and how terribly boring the original version was, I did not enjoy it as much as I hoped I would.

The only saving grace to this is that Goldman did write the screenplay for the movie, and in that he did a very good job.  So, if you've seen the movie already, I suggest you keep your expectations low if you're going to read the book.  If you've never seen the movie I suggest you crawl out from under that rock you're living in and watch it.
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Anyway, that's all I've got for now.  I must now return to nursing this cold and trying to feel like a human being.

Thanks for reading and Happy Wednesday!

The Hunger Games Book Review

Alright, so my goal for this year is to update my blogs once a week.  I'm thinking this one will be updated every Tuesday.  So here we go!

The Hunger Games  By: Suzanne Collins  4 out of 5 stars.

"In the ruins of a place once known as North America lies the nation of Panem, a shining Capitol surrounded by twelve outlying districts. Long ago the districts waged war on the Capitol and were defeated. As part of the surrender terms, each district agreed to send one boy and one girl to appear in an annual televised event called, "The Hunger Games," a fight to the death on live TV. Sixteen-year-old Katniss Everdeen, who lives alone with her mother and younger sister, regards it as a death sentence when she is forced to represent her district in the Games. The terrain, rules, and level of audience participation may change but one thing is constant: kill or be killed."

I read this book a little over a month ago now.  It was the first book I got on my new Kindle Fire. :)  It had been recommended to me by lots and lots of people.  And then while I was looking at it online I saw the movie trailer and decided it was worth a look.

I gave this book a 4 out of 5 for a couple reasons.  5 out of 5 requires that I absolutely fall in love with the book, so this getting a 4 out of 5 isn't really bad.  I was able to read the book in one day.  It's such a quick read because the language is simple and Collins writes it in such a way that you can't put it down.  Every chapter ends with a cliff hanger so you have to keep reading or it will drive you mad.

I liked the main character, Katniss, she was well rounded and believable.  I also admired her total focus on her goals.  But I was not a big fan of Peeta; he just seemed weak compared to Kat.  I also found the world this story was set in to be believable.  It seems extreme at first, a government that requires people to sacrifice their teenagers to the viewing of all seems really strange.  But given the back story of the collapse of civilization as we know it, it makes sense to me.  Also, the action scenes were very well done.  I can see how this will translate into a movie very well.

Although this isn't the kind of thing I'd normally pick up to read (my favorite genres are adult or YA fantasy) I did like it.  And 90% of the reason I read it was because the movie trailer looked really cool and I figured I should read the book before I go see the movie in March.

So, overall, 4 out of 5 stars.  I enjoyed the book, it was entertaining, but I'm not sure I'll read the rest of the series.  It didn't grab me that hard.

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As I said before, I'll be updating this blog every Tuesday.  And next week I'll be reviewing The Help.  Again, if you have any suggestions of books I should read and review, please leave a comment.  I'm trying to broaden my reading horizons, and I'm always looking for good suggestions. :)

Happy Tuesday!